Communication Skills

How To (Really) Control Your Emotions

Emotional intelligence

Don't worry,


1. This is not one of those comforting guides to seek balance in your actions and emotions, not getting involved, observing at the situation from above and get a higher point of view (getting perspective).


2. This is not about going with the flow, counting to 10 before you burst, doing the breathing exercise (4-4-4: breathe in to a count of four, keep it in to a count of four and breathe out slowly to a count of four), do meditation or relaxation exercises, and getting out of yourself and see the world, see friends, and soon you will be fresh to get at it again.


3. This is not a guide about knowing the things that get us worked up, as well as the things that make us calm and happy ('putting us in a different place'). This is not trying to do something else to get into a different mood ('fired from job? Let's go watch a movie').


4. This is not about learning from Mom and Dad and how they successfully dealt with all kinds of things in their long life, good, bad or worse.


5.This is not a guide about knowing that there is so much pain in this world, how big a pain can our pain be?


6. This is not about Gandhi's quote about when we feel sad, we should think whether we have ever done even a tiny bit to help ease someone else's pain.


7. This is not about keeping the 'animal' buried deep inside.


8. This is not about learning to live cooperatively in a civil society.


9. This is not a guide about not getting so worked up that we start to lose our shit, and do stupid stuff.


Not for nothing we came down from a tree in Africa 100000 years ago and became the dominant species on this planet, currently/probably. We all know how to control our emotions.


Or so, we think.


This is about giving yourself a break.


1. Everyone keeps telling us to control our emotions.


2. Even though someone already said this, 'You deserve to give yourself a pat on the back for living a normal life in adverse circumstances.'


3. Even though 'life is mostly meaningless' and we have Sisyphus's task of pushing the stone up the hill, again and again. Even though things are never stable until the end.


Life is terrible - (please list the obligatory stuff that is wrong in your life here).


But we have done all we can to deal with it, while controlling our emotions.


Despite everything, we are doing an awesome job.


So, sometimes, just let it rip. Shout, curse, howl... It may bring you some comfort, some strength to carry on and some clarity (now that the long resentment is out in the open).


'A big part of this is being able to laugh at how much life sucks.'

- Michael Bennett and Sarah Bennett, 'F*ck Feelings'


Thank you for reading.
If you found this guide useful, please share this with your friends and family. 
There are 200+ guides to succeeding in business, career and personal life in The Success Manual. Get the pdf ebook for $12 only.